Mom

You’d be surprised at how much you’re missed by this prodigal.  So many times…actually every time something happens I long to share it with you.  What I would give for one more cup of coffee with you, and one more chance to tell you two things:  I love you.  I thank you.

You loved me unconditionally.  In the good you were there to cheer me on; in the bad you were there to support me.  I couldn’t see it then but I surely see it now, how I broke your heart in so many ways yet you never wavered in your love for me.  You sacrificed everything for your girls, and though we tried to show you we appreciated you, I don’t think we (at least I) scratched the surface of how much I really appreciate you.

I haven’t forgotten the things you taught me – as a matter of fact, I always wanted to be the kind of mother you were to me.  Now that I’ve experienced motherhood, I’m well aware of the sacrifices, the joy and the pain of that daunting title.  I pray I’ve done you proud.  If I’ve managed to be just a fraction of the kind of devoted mother you were (still are, just because you’re gone from here doesn’t change the fact you’re still my Mom) then I guess I’ve done okay.

Most often we don’t appreciate those closest to us.  Sometimes we can’t see the cost and all that was poured into us until they’re not there anymore.  I want you to know I see it and I’m forever grateful.  Thinking back you were the best example of God’s love – tenacious and unwavering, that determined gonna-love-you-no-matter-what real love and I thank you for that.  Wish I could have seen that then…

I understand you, and I feel you now more than ever.  I get it.  I’m sorry.  I’m deeply grateful, more than words can say.  And, I love you, really love you, and appreciate you.  For everything.

I look so forward to seeing you again.  Life here was so hard for you.  I get a lot of joy knowing you’re safe and not suffering anymore with anything.  I can’t wait to see you like that – with all the sorrow and pain gone from your eyes and heart, completely restored. What a moment that will be.

Oh and one more thing.  You were right.  About everything.  I love you.

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