Tag Archives: better

Not Good Enough

IMAG0767

Here is a picture of the designs I’ve made that are faulty in some way…at least to my eye.  I don’t feel they’re good enough to be put on something to go out to the public so instead of throwing them away I stuck them on my bedroom window.  Look how beautiful they are! I love it when light shines through that window and they pop.  Makes me smile every time!  Although I can look at each one of them and see my mistakes, they’re still beautiful.

Nobody is flawless.  Unfortunately, we make mistakes, we hurt those closest to us.  We have all kinds of scars and misconceptions about ourselves. If we let our imperfections take over; if we allow to believe the ugly things said about us (and those we say about ourselves) we can start to believe we’re of no good use, unlovable and unforgivable.

When I was little, I totally believed what I overheard some family members telling each other about me: “She’s not worth anything; she’ll never amount to anything” and for a long time I lived like I believed that, to the point of contemplating suicide.

At some point, we all – no matter what vile things we’ve done or how deeply we’ve been hurt – have to decide who we will believe and decide what kind of person we’ll be.  We all have a past; we all have regrets and wishes for better decisions and choices.  The good news is, all of it can be used for good. We ARE good enough – good enough for God to love, heal, cherish, and make us in to who He designed us to be in the first place.

Just like these “mess-ups” I put on the window, I could have thrown them away.  Instead I chose to repurpose them and look at the difference they make on an ordinary window!  The same is true for us.  You never know how God will use what we’ve been through, the pain we’ve suffered and the mistakes we’ve made unless we own up to them, ask forgiveness and choose to believe He can make us better than we were yesterday. With His touch, the possibilities are endless.

Not good enough?  Every time I feel that way, I’m going to look at this window.  Beautiful.  And very good!

“God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.”  Genesis 1:31a

Advertisements

Killing Me

I don’t like my perspective today.  I don’t like what I think will happen, what I see and what I feel.  I don’t like me or anything about me today. So I’m not doing it anymore.  I’m going to kill myself. I don’t have the desire to deal with me or “this” anymore.

I’m going to decide to trust God and what He says about me – that I’m cherished, beautiful, and the apple of His eye.  I’m going to believe He has a great plan for me, plans to prosper me.  He has hope for me and since I don’t (today), I’m going to keep moving on what He says and act like I believe it.  He’s my willpower and energy today because this ole gal is dead.  I’m choosing to “kill” her and not do anything, say anything or believe anything she says.  I’m living for and BY Him.

Some days that choice…that sacrifice is more significant than others.  Some days it’s easy and we live subconsciously doing our normal things without giving them a thought.  Other days we just don’t want to get out of bed.  Whether we’re going through something or recovering from having gone through something, some days we may not want to.

Even on good days, strong days, we should get ourselves out of the way and live for Him as that puts us in a different place, a better place…a place outside ourselves.  During those times, everything has more purpose and meaning and we see it’s really not about ourselves at all.

Killing ourself isn’t such a bad thing if it means sacrificing our wants and desires for Him and what He wants for us which is better and greater than we can imagine.  I’m willing to believe that and try it again today…are you?

Psalm 54:6 “Willingly I will sacrifice to You; I will give thanks to Your name O LORD, for it is good.”

Be Very Careful.

Be careful not to believe everyone who says they love you.  It’s a trap; a setup to have your heart broken.  I can’t count on all my digits those who have said that to me yet are no longer around.  I don’t have enough.  Sure, they’re there when you’re on top but when the bottom falls out the pickins get scarce.

Of course I can’t think of other’s failures without having mine magnified.  I’m the mammoth of all failures. I’m sorry.

Thank God He never leaves or forsakes us. Otherwise this whole thing would be pointless.  I pray to heal from all these abandonments, disappointments and heartbreaks and be better.  Oh God. I’m scared of being bitter. Please. Help me.

Cut me open with that two-edged sword.  Gut me and anything that resembles pain or a root of something…anything that doesn’t resemble You has to go.  I want it to go.

The Place of In-Between

 

Saturday.  Friday had happened and they saw the One whom they had based everything on, left their lives for believing He was Messiah…tortured, nails drive through His hands and feet, hung on a cross and take His last breath.  So many thoughts and doubts must have raced through their confused minds.  How could the Son of God – the Promise – die?  I feel sure they watched from afar as His lifeless body was taken down.

Do you know what hopeless feels like?  To have everything you believed in…believed for die right in front of you? I imagine what the disciples, Jesus’ mother and the other followers were feeling was the epitome of that word.  I wonder if they even remembered the many conversations He had with them, telling them that exactly what had happened would and that it wasn’t what it appeared to be or felt like it was. I imagine they were so grieved and perhaps scared that they had forgotten.

Can you relate?  You just experienced a devastating blow and after what you’ve been through you may feel it’s over, that there is no point in even hoping, let alone trying to go from here.  This is where everything changes and you’re not sure if you have the courage to believe, one more time, enough to go on.  That’s the place of in between where feelings and faith collide.  On one hand, you want to trust and believe enough to take the next step, but you feel like your world as you knew it has just ended and there is really no point.

That’s the place where dreams die and bitterness and depression creep in…if we let them.  If we’re not careful, we can find the courage to walk on from that place and allow our faith to die.  Don’t let that happen.

Hang on, just a bit longer.  Remember and recite every single promise God has made to YOU.  If He is allowing you to endure devastation, it’s part of a greater destiny.  Sure, it hurts, and absolutely, you’ll be changed forever because of it – perhaps that’s grief’s intent.  We can choose to go from here and be changed for the better or be infected by bitter.

In that place of in between, God is the same as He was yesterday.  Still in control, still loving and still all-knowing.  Just like the disciples on that dark Saturday, although they were devastated they made it through it.  You will too.  “Be not afraid, only believe”.  Mark 5:36