Tag Archives: bitter

Do You Know What he REALLY Wants?

Your enemy…the enemy doesn’t want to kill you.  He doesn’t want you to die.

He relishes your pain.  He enjoys your suffering and lashing out at God.  He loves to hear you complain.  His desire is for you to wish death upon yourself.  Even more than that, he longs for you to be despondent, miserable, depressed and despairing.

Why?

When you’re miserable you’re quiet.  There’s no praise, no prayer resulting in no power – because you don’t feel like there’s any point in praying! You’ve played perfectly into his hands.  Quiet and distant is the first of many plans he has for you.  Will you fall for it?

He longs to render us ineffective and uncaring about anything except our own misery.

Why?

When we’re depressed and totally consumed by unfavorable circumstances we’ve no energy to lift anyone else up.  I mean, why would we?  We can’t do anything for ourselves, why would we even attempt to help someone else?

The enemy knows where our source of power is; WHO our source of power is and he knows when we feel cheated, mistreated, broken down and low down, the first place we’re likely to turn is away from our Father.  That’s what he’s after – his ultimate goal is to get us to turn from God.

He wants us to live like we’re dead with no joy, no faith and a bushel of doubt.  Don’t tell anyone about what God has done for us – because it’s discounted considering all the suffering and hardship we’ve endured…that’s what the enemy wants.  Joyless, bitter, disgruntled, dissatisfied believers so nobody wants the Jesus we have.  Nobody wants to listen, much less come to church.  His ultimate goal (since he can’t have our soul) is to render us useless for God.  He can kill our joy, make us doubt our faith ultimately causing us to have no effect or impact in the world around us.

No, the enemy doesn’t want us dead…he wants to live like we’re dead.

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My Killing

What picture comes to mind when you think of an island?   Mine is of a plush and gorgeous spot of land, in the middle of water where plants and fruits grow in abundance.  In my mind’s eye, every time I picture an island, it’s the closest thing to paradise I can imagine.

When I read Revelation and the fact that John the disciple was exiled to Patmos as punishment for preaching Jesus, I thought that isn’t such a bad punishment.  I was wrong. While further studying Patmos I discovered it was a barren island that was incapable of producing anything but rocks.  No greenery, no delectable fruits and veggies, no trees even.  Just caves and rocks.  Prisoners were sent there to mine the caves.  It was a place no one wanted to be.  The Bible doesn’t mention anything about anyone else being there but John so imagine with me, if the island was truly barren with no shade, nothing to eat or enjoy and on top of that, being there completely alone how it must have felt. Patmos actually means the title of this blog, “my killing”.

It’s not a stretch to some to imagine a place like this.  It’s not hard to remember a time feeling completely isolated and alone with no sign or site of any kind of relief.  Some are there right now. In a split second, one’s life can change forever and our normal flies right out the window.  Devastation has come to live and sometimes we feel we can’t recover or worse, we don’t want to.

Out of the darkest, loneliest and most barren times in life, God can produce something amazing.  If we tune in to him and tune out our feelings and how we perceive the place or the situation, it’s possible for Him to produce in us many things.  Faith can grow when nothing else can.  Trust can flourish and begin to color the blandness of an ugly reality.  The mind and heart can be forever changed when they know the God of our lives.

John could have spent his time mulling over every wrong done to him and how unfair it was for him to be a prisoner to start with, let alone exiled on an island no one wanted to be on but he didn’t.  Instead he chose to still – after all he had been through – look for and listen to God. I imagine he rattled the stillness of that place by singing to Jesus at the top of his lungs.  From his faithfulness and steadfast heart, God gave John the most amazing gift – the Revelation.

We can receive beautiful things, comforting words, strength, joy, peace and a growing faithfulness from God during our darkest times.  Stay close to the Father and keep staying close.

Be Very Careful.

Be careful not to believe everyone who says they love you.  It’s a trap; a setup to have your heart broken.  I can’t count on all my digits those who have said that to me yet are no longer around.  I don’t have enough.  Sure, they’re there when you’re on top but when the bottom falls out the pickins get scarce.

Of course I can’t think of other’s failures without having mine magnified.  I’m the mammoth of all failures. I’m sorry.

Thank God He never leaves or forsakes us. Otherwise this whole thing would be pointless.  I pray to heal from all these abandonments, disappointments and heartbreaks and be better.  Oh God. I’m scared of being bitter. Please. Help me.

Cut me open with that two-edged sword.  Gut me and anything that resembles pain or a root of something…anything that doesn’t resemble You has to go.  I want it to go.

Forgiveness

“Forgiveness does not create a relationship.  Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible.  When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgement, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.”  Wm Paul Young, The Shack

“I’m sorry” isn’t required but it would be nice, wouldn’t it?  Somehow someone acknowledging they caused great pain is great medicine for our woundedness but a lot of times that doesn’t happen.  Someone once said “when someone lies to you or about you, they feel you’re not worthy of the truth”.  That hits home…someone who lies about you and to you doesn’t feel you’re worthy of the truth.  Why would we want them in our lives, to allow them to make us feel more unworthy of truth and love than we already do?

I’ve never been one to just go along.  I believe forgiveness IS possible without ever having to see or speak to someone again and when it’s gone on for as long as one can remember, I think it’s best, especially when there is no change in behavior “So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.” Matthew 7:17.  Owning up to what we’ve done, taking responsibility, is the best thing.  Some are incapable of that.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t like admitting my atrocities… it’s unpleasant and humbling but I always feel better and KNOW it’s right when I do.

Hope is a wonderful thing.  HOPING someone will change and see what they have done then change accordingly is always in order.  Praying for them is always, always right.  Ask God for them to open their hearts and eyes to see the realness of what has been done and ask Him to give them the desire to change and the courage to act upon that desire.

Until then, it’s okay if you don’t get back in with them.  We need to just be sure we’re “clean” – we must deal with our anger, hurt and disappointment in a godly way and the only way to do that is to take it to Him until it’s gone which sometimes takes a very long time.  I’ve found I don’t feel anything but pity for those who hurt me because they’re blinded by their version of self-justification and the lies they’ve come to believe.  We don’t have to be that way.  “It is what it is”, is one of my favorite sayings and that means to me, ONLY God can change it, I have to accept it and what I DO WITH IT is paramount.

We can allow that hurt to fester in many ways and change us, or we can truly desire to heal from it, forgive and get on with our lives.

We can choose forgiveness.  We can choose to let it go and go on and be better because of it and thankful we survived it.  Some didn’t.

I choose forgiveness; I pray you do too.

“Then Peter came and said to Him, Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?  Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”  Matthew 18:21-22