Tag Archives: disappointment

Be Very Careful.

Be careful not to believe everyone who says they love you.  It’s a trap; a setup to have your heart broken.  I can’t count on all my digits those who have said that to me yet are no longer around.  I don’t have enough.  Sure, they’re there when you’re on top but when the bottom falls out the pickins get scarce.

Of course I can’t think of other’s failures without having mine magnified.  I’m the mammoth of all failures. I’m sorry.

Thank God He never leaves or forsakes us. Otherwise this whole thing would be pointless.  I pray to heal from all these abandonments, disappointments and heartbreaks and be better.  Oh God. I’m scared of being bitter. Please. Help me.

Cut me open with that two-edged sword.  Gut me and anything that resembles pain or a root of something…anything that doesn’t resemble You has to go.  I want it to go.

Advertisements

Exercising Hope

One of the greatest delights and desires of my heart this time of year is to see hummingbirds.  As I’ve said many times I believe they’re tiny angels.  I marvel at them.  When I lived in Alabama they showed up in abundance and I had my work area set up so that I could watch them from dawn until dusk.  Since I moved here, sadly, I have only seen them when I’ve visited my friends.  Only ONE hummingbird visited my house and that was the year before last!  To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.

There are probably several reasons for that.  I moved three times my first year here, all under less than favorable circumstances.  Perhaps they couldn’t find me.  Maybe if I could have consistently stayed where I was, they would have come. I would try putting the feeders here and there – always moving them and always being disappointed.

I remembered this morning reading a story about hummingbirds.  If they live they always come back to where they visited the previous year.  Always. So I place partial blame on me that I didn’t get the blessing of the hummers and yet have to wonder if perhaps they never came to those places.  Last year, I didn’t put feeders out.  I gave up.  I didn’t believe they would come so I made the decision to do nothing.

Don’t ever stop believing. Keep going to scriptures that encourage and help you believe and SEE that God IS busy whether His activity manifests itself externally or not.

I put feeders out this morning and prayed while doing it for two reasons:  1) The Bible says to pray about everything and 2) I was physically exhibiting the HOPE that I would see hummingbirds this year and FAITH that God is going to bless my prayers and those little earth-angels WILL come. HOPE is a VERB – it means to wait, tarry, EXPECT.

Guess what I just saw.  My heart is full and tears flood my eyes as I type this. What a lesson…and a blessing.

Romans 5:5  “and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

 

Shattered and Scattered

John 16:32

The disciples had witnessed many miraculous things and received powerful teaching from The Supreme Teacher. They believed He was the Son of God, the Redeemer and the promised Messiah.  If anyone asked them they were quick to tell who He was, but now He was telling them He was going away – going back to The Father.  Jesus was telling them that in a short while, they would scatter and leave Him alone.  They didn’t believe Him.

How could they leave Him?  How could He leave them? The thought of it sounded crazy but it happened.

Don’t we do the same thing?

We have preconceived notions of God and how He’s going to bless us and work things out in our lives.  That’s as real as our faith is to that point.  That’s what we’re taught and we believe God (and Jesus) are who they say they are and we live based on our faith as we know it.

What if the unthinkable happens, though, do we still believe?  What if your child gets sick, you lose your job, you lose everything you have, your spouse dies.  When God allows you to be shattered, will you still choose to love God and trust Him or will you “scatter”?

Although I have been blessed with my heart’s desire and am physically living in it, it hasn’t been easy or even pleasant at times.  My perception of “trust”…of even who I thought God was and certainly how He would see to me have totally disintegrated.  Shattered, I became scattered and my God – I thought – had failed me.

I think God allows extremes to take us to the “next level” – if we choose to go.  We don’t have to.  Many have abandoned their faith in God when He allows extremes.  When we’re smashed with something we don’t see coming, we’re rattled, and perhaps for a moment, knocked off our foundation.

Many times, all we can do is believe in Him and choose NOT to believe what we feel and see.  I’ve said that many times.  In brokenness and despair when everything around is distorted and we’re shattered to our core, ready to cut and run (or lay down and die) – we’re at a crossroad of giving in or going on.  Will we choose to still trust Him?  Will we muster the strength to take one more step with Him?

The disciples did scatter when Jesus was arrested but something made them remain in the distance to see what happened.  They saw Him tortured, watched Him die and His body be buried. They gathered together in their grief only to see Him return to them more alive than He had ever been.  The first thing He said to them was “PEACE”.

During the shattered times, if we choose to hang on through what we go through He will do the same for us.  He’ll bring us back together, repair our shattered hearts and seal in us a much stronger faith…if we only believe.  He’s done that for me in ways I can’t begin to tell you.  He’ll do the same for you if you’ll hold on just a bit longer.

It’s Him!

It had been three days since their Messiah was crucified. Knowing nothing would ever be the same after their time with Him, the only thing they knew to do was go from there.  So walking down the road to Emmaus, two of His followers were trying to make sense of it all, replaying the events that brought them to that dusty road.

All of a sudden, another joins them.  “Hey guys, what are you talking about?” They look at him like He’s from another planet “Really.  You must have been in a cave if you don’t know what’s happened!” They indulge His questions telling them their reason to hope had been crucified which must’ve been hard.  Knowing something happened then saying it out loud kind of rushes reality in and makes it real.

The Stranger starts reciting scriptures and asked them “All that had to happen didn’t it? I mean that’s what Scripture says, right?”  Then He proceeds to tell them every prophecy related to Messiah.  They still didn’t get it.

The Bible says they were prevented from seeing and I’d say grief and despair played a part, too.  In our lives, tragedies happen and even though we know the truth(s) of God’s word, we forget.  We’re sometimes too consumed with how we’re feeling to let reality touch us.  We’re too busy trying to understand the course of events to allow truth to penetrate our broken hearts and distorted minds.

The Stranger prepares to go His own way but they ask Him to stay the night with them so He agrees.  Once in their home, they are dining and He picks up the bread and breaks it and all of a sudden, the ones who walked with him see.  It’s Him!

Perhaps it was the way He held the bread that brought back the memory of their last supper together… “This is My body…” and helped them to see Him.  Perhaps when he took the bread they saw the scars on his wrists from the nails that had pinned Him to the cross.  Jesus really was alive and He was with them.  Sorrow turned to jubilation and comfort and joy invaded the house.  It’s Him!

They were so lost in their sadness on the road, I doubt they would have believed Him had He told them who He was while they were walking.  We get that way too, don’t we?  We get so consumed we don’t even look for Him let alone believe He’s with us through it.

When everything is falling apart and grief has snagged you, look for Jesus.  Expect Him.  Remember how He’s gotten you through and know…it’s Him!

Luke 24:13-21

 

What Do You Want?

Why do you pray?  For something from My hand…for My provision.  Or do you seek Me?  What if I had no hands; what if I can’t, seemingly won’t do anything for you…would you even utter My Name?  Do you give me a thought when you’re not needy?  Do you love Me anyway? Would you love Me anyway?

What if the answer is no? What if I don’t give you what you ask? Does that make me a bad Father?  What if I allow you to suffer, would you still trust Me?  What if you lack, does that make Me less?

What if the one you’ve prayed so hard for isn’t healed? Would you still love Me?  Would you turn away from Me?  When your belly rumbles and your heart breaks, does that mean that I’ve failed you?  Am I still good?  Do you…can you still love me?  When I come back, will I find any faith…any hanging in, seeking Me (when your hands are empty and you feel failed) faith in Me alone? Can you trust me enough to believe all this is for your good?

Will you?

FIGHT!!!

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning.  Lots of people are at church…I am not. Not happy about that.  For the past five weeks, my work schedule has prevented me from going.

That’s not all.  LOTS of things…little things and big things are vying for my happiness…lots of things are bugging me.

I’m laughing out loud because just over an hour ago, I spent two hours in my Bible soaking up the love, ingesting what God had for me for this day.  I was such a happy, happy girl because that time in the mornings with Him is my most favorite.

Then real life kicks in and there is a raging fight going on inside of me…I can focus on all that’s wrong or turn to the One who makes everything right. Seems like there’s always a fight for contentment.  It’s a relentless cycle of emotion to keep and protect our contentment, our faith and a positive demeanor.  I’m forced to eat my words during these times…how many times have I said “happiness is a choice”, “fight for your faith”?  Some days it’s easier than others…some minutes it’s easier than others.

It’s hard for me not to spout and shout.  I fight myself more than (and harder than) I’ve fought anyone else. I can choose to throw a well-justified fit – or I can choose to be quiet and calm down and choose contentment over circumstances provoking me to lose it. “Whatsoever” comes to mind in 1st Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat or drink, whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” Does that word apply to fit-throwing, discontentment raging, unhappiness-feeling? Can I be discontent and unhappy “to the glory of God”? I think so.

I fight not to let my feelings dictate my behavior or distort my faith.  That’s a tall order when I’m my center.  I must fight to get my eyes off me and my selfishness and onto Him.  In this moment I’ve chosen to do just that (greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world). I choose to not let my feelings produce ugly actions and words.

That’s the fight for faith – not to do life the way we see it played out all around us. I choose (this time) to bless God. If Christ is in us there should be some of Him coming out of us (if we choose to let Him).  So, in this moment of discontentment I fought me and I let Him win.  The next time I may not…but I’m praying I do.

You’re Already Validated!

“I wish I had said that”; “I wish I hadn’t said this”; “I should have…” “I shouldn’t have…” all of us play these movies in our heads right? We all think about past relationships of all kinds and see what we DIDN’T do or say and totally forget the good we did. I think that’s a trick of the enemy. He wants you to think of yourself as an epic fail on all counts so you’ll keep quiet and not try to bless others.

Those close to me know I have a special needs son whom I adore, and most who get to know him and allow him to be part of their lives feel about him close to the way I do. I have watched him of late try so hard to follow all the rules both society and others place before him and some of it has been good. We all need to get along out there in the world and there are do’s and don’ts we have to follow to be accepted.Some of it, however, has not been good. I’ve watched him lose himself just to please someone else, all the while being nervous and afraid he’s going to do the wrong thing.

Have you ever tried to fit into a mold you were never intended to fit in just to please someone else? Just trying to be all they wanted you to be to please them only to find even that wasn’t enough. We so long to be accepted by others and to love others often finding somewhere along the way we forget who we are. We’ve all done it in some form or another. The common want of all humans is to be loved and accepted; maybe even validated.

We post things on Facebook and blog sometimes just to get that almighty like. Why do we try so hard to obtain the accolades and likes of people who maybe will never meet us, don’t know us personally or our struggles and the reasons why we are the way we are? True, we could all use a little tweak here and there…but to try to change ourselves to please someone else or live up to their expectations can be devastating.

You are who you are because God made you the way you are. All the good things and bad that have contributed to who you are now God allowed for HIS reasons and only He knows fully. He alone understands all your quirks, oddities and all your beauty. Even you don’t know you the way He does! He knows every single thing about you and guess what. HE LOVES YOU ANYWAY!! He’s the ONLY validation you need! Others may not understand you. They may even be intimidated by you or annoyed by you. God isn’t. He ACCEPTS you. He DIED for you. You ARE valid; you HAVE BEEN validated. What more do you need?

Yes, respect and consider other people and do your best to be a peacemaker. When they don’t respond how you think they should, love them anyway. If you’ve wronged someone and you know it, do your best to make it right. Pray for them. Pray for you. Don’t seek your worth in anyone else but God because you’ll never find it. People will take you in, tell you everything you want to hear, then disappoint and toss you for their next person. People are just people. God will always love you, no matter what. If you’re His, you’re a keeper!

Understand you are worth every drop of blood He shed because He shed it for you. He loves you. He will ALWAYS love you. I pray you decide His love, validation of you and your worth is enough.