Tag Archives: feelings

I Just Want to See

For the past few months I’ve been without glasses and couldn’t afford to get my eyes checked.  Thanks to getting a full time job complete with insurance benefits, when I received my cards I called and made an appointment.  Thank you Lord!

After the exam, I began the quest of picking out frames.  Folks, I get overwhelmed in the cereal isle at the grocery store.  So many choices, too many if you ask me.  If I don’t stick with my favorite brand I get so flustered that I leave without any cereal.

That’s how I felt when I tried to pick out frames.  There were literally thousands to choose from and I was overwhelmed.  I just want to see; I want a little help for my face (it needs all the help it can get) but with all these choices how will I ever choose one pair?  What if I choose the wrong ones?  What if I don’t find any?

I kept searching and found several pairs and another problem arose.  I like them all! I want them all!  My want was out of control which brought on the anxiety of having to make a choice.  I told the lady helping me to pick for me and of course, based on her commission, she chose the most expensive frame which caused me more anxiety because they were way more than I had budgeted to spend!

Two lessons came from that experience:   1)  MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES.  Sometimes we’re faced with life-changing decisions and the choice we make matters a lot.  Thank God this wasn’t a life-changing decision but it was an important one.  I reminded myself of the fundamental need – I just want to see.  I don’t have to go beyond what God has blessed me with.  He provided for my need with the job with insurance – I just need to be able to see.  Chill.  Get what is best for you – within your means.

2)  WATCH OUT FOR FEELINGS.  While shopping for frames, I saw what I could have even if I had to make some sacrifices for them.  All I needed was what I needed.  Sometimes God’s provision is overlooked in that He always provides for our needs, not necessarily for our wants.  Every day we’re fighting a very powerful foe – ourselves and our feelings.  When we let feelings take over we can make decisions based on how we feel rather than what we need.

I just want to see.  That’s it.  When I calmed myself down and made my decision, lo and behold, I got a pair of designer frames for $12!!!!!!!!! They are exactly what I wanted, they’re perfect for me, and they help my chipmunk-cheek face.  BOOM!  I promptly thanked God for providing my needs and the beautiful frames and for letting me see in all kinds of ways.

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The Place of In-Between

 

Saturday.  Friday had happened and they saw the One whom they had based everything on, left their lives for believing He was Messiah…tortured, nails drive through His hands and feet, hung on a cross and take His last breath.  So many thoughts and doubts must have raced through their confused minds.  How could the Son of God – the Promise – die?  I feel sure they watched from afar as His lifeless body was taken down.

Do you know what hopeless feels like?  To have everything you believed in…believed for die right in front of you? I imagine what the disciples, Jesus’ mother and the other followers were feeling was the epitome of that word.  I wonder if they even remembered the many conversations He had with them, telling them that exactly what had happened would and that it wasn’t what it appeared to be or felt like it was. I imagine they were so grieved and perhaps scared that they had forgotten.

Can you relate?  You just experienced a devastating blow and after what you’ve been through you may feel it’s over, that there is no point in even hoping, let alone trying to go from here.  This is where everything changes and you’re not sure if you have the courage to believe, one more time, enough to go on.  That’s the place of in between where feelings and faith collide.  On one hand, you want to trust and believe enough to take the next step, but you feel like your world as you knew it has just ended and there is really no point.

That’s the place where dreams die and bitterness and depression creep in…if we let them.  If we’re not careful, we can find the courage to walk on from that place and allow our faith to die.  Don’t let that happen.

Hang on, just a bit longer.  Remember and recite every single promise God has made to YOU.  If He is allowing you to endure devastation, it’s part of a greater destiny.  Sure, it hurts, and absolutely, you’ll be changed forever because of it – perhaps that’s grief’s intent.  We can choose to go from here and be changed for the better or be infected by bitter.

In that place of in between, God is the same as He was yesterday.  Still in control, still loving and still all-knowing.  Just like the disciples on that dark Saturday, although they were devastated they made it through it.  You will too.  “Be not afraid, only believe”.  Mark 5:36

FIGHT!!!

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning.  Lots of people are at church…I am not. Not happy about that.  For the past five weeks, my work schedule has prevented me from going.

That’s not all.  LOTS of things…little things and big things are vying for my happiness…lots of things are bugging me.

I’m laughing out loud because just over an hour ago, I spent two hours in my Bible soaking up the love, ingesting what God had for me for this day.  I was such a happy, happy girl because that time in the mornings with Him is my most favorite.

Then real life kicks in and there is a raging fight going on inside of me…I can focus on all that’s wrong or turn to the One who makes everything right. Seems like there’s always a fight for contentment.  It’s a relentless cycle of emotion to keep and protect our contentment, our faith and a positive demeanor.  I’m forced to eat my words during these times…how many times have I said “happiness is a choice”, “fight for your faith”?  Some days it’s easier than others…some minutes it’s easier than others.

It’s hard for me not to spout and shout.  I fight myself more than (and harder than) I’ve fought anyone else. I can choose to throw a well-justified fit – or I can choose to be quiet and calm down and choose contentment over circumstances provoking me to lose it. “Whatsoever” comes to mind in 1st Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat or drink, whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” Does that word apply to fit-throwing, discontentment raging, unhappiness-feeling? Can I be discontent and unhappy “to the glory of God”? I think so.

I fight not to let my feelings dictate my behavior or distort my faith.  That’s a tall order when I’m my center.  I must fight to get my eyes off me and my selfishness and onto Him.  In this moment I’ve chosen to do just that (greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world). I choose to not let my feelings produce ugly actions and words.

That’s the fight for faith – not to do life the way we see it played out all around us. I choose (this time) to bless God. If Christ is in us there should be some of Him coming out of us (if we choose to let Him).  So, in this moment of discontentment I fought me and I let Him win.  The next time I may not…but I’m praying I do.

Don’t You Dare!

No matter how you feel, where you are, what you’re going through.  No matter what everyone is saying and speaking, don’t you dare.

Don’t you dare start believing this is all there is. Don’t you dare believe that no one cares.  Don’t you dare succumb to the feelings of your dark moments because that’s what they are…MOMENTS.  Don’t you dare believe that it won’t get better, your pain won’t lessen, your despair won’t subside.  Don’t you dare.

Don’t you dare stop praying.  Even if it has been years that you’ve asked and not received, don’t you dare stop.  Just one more breath.  One more.  Just one more.  Don’t you dare fall for the lies of the enemy who is so crafty he knows the exact moment you feel like giving up and giving to speak a lie to you.

Remember who you are, Whose you are and where you’ve been. It may not be perfect right now but you are far from where you were.  Look back and see.  Remember.  Don’t you dare stop now. Don’t you dare.

This is a defining moment.  Choose to believe. Choose to walk on.  Choose to allow The only One who can make a difference do so.  Don’t you dare give up.  Don’t you dare. He knows your despair, the anguish of your soul.  He knows.  He knows the deep wounds, the gaping crevices of your heart and He’s busy right now filling them in.  He’s working on that ‘beauty from ashes’ thing right now.  Don’t doubt it.  Don’t doubt Him. Don’t you dare.