Tag Archives: grief

To Grieve or Regret?

I caught myself grieving my life this morning.  Do you ever do that? I grieved the fact that I made horrible choices when I was younger – I just didn’t care about anything or anyone, not even myself. I just wanted to be happy, to feel good, to be loved at whatever the cost.

One of my first memories was my parents telling me, a 6-year-old child and my 4-year-old sister they were getting a divorce. I think a part of me died or at least changed me forever.  That may sound foreign to the reader since divorce is so “normal” now.  Back then it wasn’t.  There was no therapy available; coping skills were “suck it up and go on”. Because it was so hard on Mom and younger sister, I buried my feelings and told no one how I felt. That was just the beginning.

I’m knocking on the door of 60 and to this day, I look back and see every wrong turn, every decision made out of self-righteousness and self-loathing.  If no one else was going to care about me and what I do, why should I so I pursued self-destructive things and habits and because of MY choices (not because of anyone else) here I am today.  Alive?  Yes.  Saved and changed?  Yes, thank God. But I can’t help looking back to what could have been.

I stop short of regret, but grieve more than I care to admit. I think there’s a difference.  Grief allows me a healthy awareness of sorrow over things in my life.  Regret is, well regret.  I do regret – but I can’t wish it had never happened.  Regret would lead me (I fear) to resent my life, and all the things that led me straight into the presence of Jesus.  How could I regret anything?  I wish I had lived differently; I wish I had KNOWN to live differently.  I grieve the years I could’ve been different and the things I could’ve done differently.  I grieve the death of myself but I don’t regret who I am now.

Would I have been saved or had the privileges of seeing the hand of God in my life and in my son’s life had I (or my circumstances) been different?  Would I have ever written for Him, live to honor Him?  I know this:  I wouldn’t have this powerful testimony to share about a “wretch like me”.  I wouldn’t know what I know.

So there you have it – the point of it all, the beauty for ashes. All that ugly is turning into something beautiful…in EVERY life, not just mine.  Look back occasionally and no matter what you feel, see how God has brought you through it all for His good pleasure. Grieve a moment, but don’t regret.  Believe all of it has a grand purpose:  for His glory and for you to know He is the One True God and that He’s faithful to see His plan through to the end. Always.

Jeremiah 29:11-13; Isaiah 61:3; Romans 8:28; Philippians 2:13

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It’s Him!

It had been three days since their Messiah was crucified. Knowing nothing would ever be the same after their time with Him, the only thing they knew to do was go from there.  So walking down the road to Emmaus, two of His followers were trying to make sense of it all, replaying the events that brought them to that dusty road.

All of a sudden, another joins them.  “Hey guys, what are you talking about?” They look at him like He’s from another planet “Really.  You must have been in a cave if you don’t know what’s happened!” They indulge His questions telling them their reason to hope had been crucified which must’ve been hard.  Knowing something happened then saying it out loud kind of rushes reality in and makes it real.

The Stranger starts reciting scriptures and asked them “All that had to happen didn’t it? I mean that’s what Scripture says, right?”  Then He proceeds to tell them every prophecy related to Messiah.  They still didn’t get it.

The Bible says they were prevented from seeing and I’d say grief and despair played a part, too.  In our lives, tragedies happen and even though we know the truth(s) of God’s word, we forget.  We’re sometimes too consumed with how we’re feeling to let reality touch us.  We’re too busy trying to understand the course of events to allow truth to penetrate our broken hearts and distorted minds.

The Stranger prepares to go His own way but they ask Him to stay the night with them so He agrees.  Once in their home, they are dining and He picks up the bread and breaks it and all of a sudden, the ones who walked with him see.  It’s Him!

Perhaps it was the way He held the bread that brought back the memory of their last supper together… “This is My body…” and helped them to see Him.  Perhaps when he took the bread they saw the scars on his wrists from the nails that had pinned Him to the cross.  Jesus really was alive and He was with them.  Sorrow turned to jubilation and comfort and joy invaded the house.  It’s Him!

They were so lost in their sadness on the road, I doubt they would have believed Him had He told them who He was while they were walking.  We get that way too, don’t we?  We get so consumed we don’t even look for Him let alone believe He’s with us through it.

When everything is falling apart and grief has snagged you, look for Jesus.  Expect Him.  Remember how He’s gotten you through and know…it’s Him!

Luke 24:13-21

 

The Place of In-Between

 

Saturday.  Friday had happened and they saw the One whom they had based everything on, left their lives for believing He was Messiah…tortured, nails drive through His hands and feet, hung on a cross and take His last breath.  So many thoughts and doubts must have raced through their confused minds.  How could the Son of God – the Promise – die?  I feel sure they watched from afar as His lifeless body was taken down.

Do you know what hopeless feels like?  To have everything you believed in…believed for die right in front of you? I imagine what the disciples, Jesus’ mother and the other followers were feeling was the epitome of that word.  I wonder if they even remembered the many conversations He had with them, telling them that exactly what had happened would and that it wasn’t what it appeared to be or felt like it was. I imagine they were so grieved and perhaps scared that they had forgotten.

Can you relate?  You just experienced a devastating blow and after what you’ve been through you may feel it’s over, that there is no point in even hoping, let alone trying to go from here.  This is where everything changes and you’re not sure if you have the courage to believe, one more time, enough to go on.  That’s the place of in between where feelings and faith collide.  On one hand, you want to trust and believe enough to take the next step, but you feel like your world as you knew it has just ended and there is really no point.

That’s the place where dreams die and bitterness and depression creep in…if we let them.  If we’re not careful, we can find the courage to walk on from that place and allow our faith to die.  Don’t let that happen.

Hang on, just a bit longer.  Remember and recite every single promise God has made to YOU.  If He is allowing you to endure devastation, it’s part of a greater destiny.  Sure, it hurts, and absolutely, you’ll be changed forever because of it – perhaps that’s grief’s intent.  We can choose to go from here and be changed for the better or be infected by bitter.

In that place of in between, God is the same as He was yesterday.  Still in control, still loving and still all-knowing.  Just like the disciples on that dark Saturday, although they were devastated they made it through it.  You will too.  “Be not afraid, only believe”.  Mark 5:36