Tag Archives: hopelessness

Look Back

Life was falling apart, husband said he wants a divorce.  The very night her husband told her his plan, a member of the family called offering her a job in his business because other family members that worked there got a job and other reasons…and offered her a job.  Feeling like it was a meant to be thing, she accepted and moved to their little town to begin the job and a new phase of her life.  She thought it would be wonderful, family close by, actually working for them.  She needed support and if the truth were known, she needed help.  Her son had many health issues from birth and this kind of support would be a dream come true.

It didn’t exactly turn out like that and after a year or so the family member told her he was closing down the business and she would have to get another job but not to worry, he would help her find one.  Because he was very well known in the little town, he asked someone who knew someone who knew someone at the local hospital who told him to have her apply for a Medical Transcription job.  She laughed out loud.  That’s a skilled profession, she had no experience and hadn’t even worked in a doctor’s office.  Impossible.  Ridiculous.  Just trying to get rid of her she thought. But because he pushed, she applied…and got the job.

She remembers sitting at a typewriter bawling, trying not to throw up because she was sure this was absolutely impossible.  “My God, what have I gotten myself into”, she kept saying to herself.  She couldn’t understand a word the doctor was saying and her very job was to type what he was saying!  To make matters worse, the department head told her, “you’ll never make it, I’ll have you gone in 30 days.” She made it very clear she was pressured into hiring her because a board member recommended me (because of the family member) and in a small town, that’s pretty much the way things went.  Nobody was happy with that situation, least of all the woman at the job.  She didn’t want to be there as much as her boss didn’t want her to be there.  A host of crazy things happened but she persevered…

Almost 30 years later, here I am, working at home as a Medical Transcriptionist.  That job (that I was thrust into because of circumstances beyond my control; the job I hated at first) has provided for me and my son.  Not only that because I work at home, I can work around what Matt needs to do – his work, appointments, and things he enjoys in his personal life.  Because he’s site impaired and doesn’t drive, he’s blessed to have a pretty normal and free life.  The kind of work I do allowed me to move back home to Kingsport, which was my heart’s desire.  I can make a living doing something I absolutely love (even though I hated it in the beginning) for an Australian company that has turned out to be the best, most enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

As I remembered all the details that brought me to this moment, I was brought to tears.  The beginning of how I got here was horrible.  I almost quit several times and in between then and now, a lot has happened, good and bad but I stuck with it, sometimes because I had to; other times because I wanted to.

The word that immediately comes to mind is PROVISION.  See, way back then when I thought my life was falling apart, God had a bigger plan.  Even though He was the last thing on my mind at that time, I was foremost in His.  When all that happened, I was lost and, if the truth be known, thought there was absolutely no hope for any kind of halfway decent life at all.

Your life may be crashing right before your very eyes.  You may think you won’t survive what you’re going through; you may hate what you’re doing and are looking for a way out.  Hang on a little bit longer.  Trust God and let your faith in Him grow stronger.   Do what you can do and trust Him for the rest.

Look back for a minute and see how far you’ve come.  Friend, none of it is by accident or happenstance.  Like me, one day you’ll look back and see His presence, love and provision for you every inch of the way.

Jeremiah 29:11-13; Isaiah 43:10

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The Place of In-Between

 

Saturday.  Friday had happened and they saw the One whom they had based everything on, left their lives for believing He was Messiah…tortured, nails drive through His hands and feet, hung on a cross and take His last breath.  So many thoughts and doubts must have raced through their confused minds.  How could the Son of God – the Promise – die?  I feel sure they watched from afar as His lifeless body was taken down.

Do you know what hopeless feels like?  To have everything you believed in…believed for die right in front of you? I imagine what the disciples, Jesus’ mother and the other followers were feeling was the epitome of that word.  I wonder if they even remembered the many conversations He had with them, telling them that exactly what had happened would and that it wasn’t what it appeared to be or felt like it was. I imagine they were so grieved and perhaps scared that they had forgotten.

Can you relate?  You just experienced a devastating blow and after what you’ve been through you may feel it’s over, that there is no point in even hoping, let alone trying to go from here.  This is where everything changes and you’re not sure if you have the courage to believe, one more time, enough to go on.  That’s the place of in between where feelings and faith collide.  On one hand, you want to trust and believe enough to take the next step, but you feel like your world as you knew it has just ended and there is really no point.

That’s the place where dreams die and bitterness and depression creep in…if we let them.  If we’re not careful, we can find the courage to walk on from that place and allow our faith to die.  Don’t let that happen.

Hang on, just a bit longer.  Remember and recite every single promise God has made to YOU.  If He is allowing you to endure devastation, it’s part of a greater destiny.  Sure, it hurts, and absolutely, you’ll be changed forever because of it – perhaps that’s grief’s intent.  We can choose to go from here and be changed for the better or be infected by bitter.

In that place of in between, God is the same as He was yesterday.  Still in control, still loving and still all-knowing.  Just like the disciples on that dark Saturday, although they were devastated they made it through it.  You will too.  “Be not afraid, only believe”.  Mark 5:36

What Do You Want?

Why do you pray?  For something from My hand…for My provision.  Or do you seek Me?  What if I had no hands; what if I can’t, seemingly won’t do anything for you…would you even utter My Name?  Do you give me a thought when you’re not needy?  Do you love Me anyway? Would you love Me anyway?

What if the answer is no? What if I don’t give you what you ask? Does that make me a bad Father?  What if I allow you to suffer, would you still trust Me?  What if you lack, does that make Me less?

What if the one you’ve prayed so hard for isn’t healed? Would you still love Me?  Would you turn away from Me?  When your belly rumbles and your heart breaks, does that mean that I’ve failed you?  Am I still good?  Do you…can you still love me?  When I come back, will I find any faith…any hanging in, seeking Me (when your hands are empty and you feel failed) faith in Me alone? Can you trust me enough to believe all this is for your good?

Will you?

Don’t You Dare!

No matter how you feel, where you are, what you’re going through.  No matter what everyone is saying and speaking, don’t you dare.

Don’t you dare start believing this is all there is. Don’t you dare believe that no one cares.  Don’t you dare succumb to the feelings of your dark moments because that’s what they are…MOMENTS.  Don’t you dare believe that it won’t get better, your pain won’t lessen, your despair won’t subside.  Don’t you dare.

Don’t you dare stop praying.  Even if it has been years that you’ve asked and not received, don’t you dare stop.  Just one more breath.  One more.  Just one more.  Don’t you dare fall for the lies of the enemy who is so crafty he knows the exact moment you feel like giving up and giving to speak a lie to you.

Remember who you are, Whose you are and where you’ve been. It may not be perfect right now but you are far from where you were.  Look back and see.  Remember.  Don’t you dare stop now. Don’t you dare.

This is a defining moment.  Choose to believe. Choose to walk on.  Choose to allow The only One who can make a difference do so.  Don’t you dare give up.  Don’t you dare. He knows your despair, the anguish of your soul.  He knows.  He knows the deep wounds, the gaping crevices of your heart and He’s busy right now filling them in.  He’s working on that ‘beauty from ashes’ thing right now.  Don’t doubt it.  Don’t doubt Him. Don’t you dare.