I think of the garden scene a lot. Adam and Eve in paradise – or the closest thing to it on earth. Heaven on earth. Adam and Eve walked with God and talked with Him enjoying His presence constantly. Everything they needed was in the confines of that existence, which is exactly how God intended it to be, perhaps even for us!
In my mind, I see hundreds and hundreds of trees yielding every kind of fruit we can think of. I believe the garden was the place of perfection and what we all want life to be – no want of any kind and need. I think desire wasn’t even in their vocabulary yet until that one conversation changed everything (Genesis 3).
“Surely you will not die!” (Genesis 3:4). In other words, “He’s a liar. He just doesn’t want you be rival to Him. He wants to control you! He doesn’t want you to be truly happy! One piece won’t hurt! What difference will it really make? Die? Pff – you’re not gonna die. “ Sound familiar? With all we have, with everything God has blessed us with and everything He’s allowed us to live through and experience (both good and bad), we can’t seem to get to the place where we’re content with that. Some are in a state of constant want: “If I could just…if I had…I want…if only…”.
God didn’t tell them not to partake of the tree to be mean or controlling. He did that for their protection because He knew the harm that would come to them. He knew it would change them and their relationship with Him…and it did. The same principal is true for us. He knows what sin will do to us and our relationship with the Father. The things He warns against are all wrapped in “the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life” (1st John 2:16 NASB). The Bible is full of caution for our protection! It’s not that He wants you to be without what you think you want…He wants you to be without hurt, regret or shame.
Toying, flirting with, considering doing what we know we shouldn’t WILL kill us in more than one way. It causes something in us to die and could cause pain all around us. From some consequences we may never recover. Are you willing to risk it? Do you want to die?
I don’t like my perspective today. I don’t like what I think will happen, what I see and what I feel. I don’t like me or anything about me today. So I’m not doing it anymore. I’m going to kill myself. I don’t have the desire to deal with me or “this” anymore.
I’m going to decide to trust God and what He says about me – that I’m cherished, beautiful, and the apple of His eye. I’m going to believe He has a great plan for me, plans to prosper me. He has hope for me and since I don’t (today), I’m going to keep moving on what He says and act like I believe it. He’s my willpower and energy today because this ole gal is dead. I’m choosing to “kill” her and not do anything, say anything or believe anything she says. I’m living for and BY Him.
Some days that choice…that sacrifice is more significant than others. Some days it’s easy and we live subconsciously doing our normal things without giving them a thought. Other days we just don’t want to get out of bed. Whether we’re going through something or recovering from having gone through something, some days we may not want to.
Even on good days, strong days, we should get ourselves out of the way and live for Him as that puts us in a different place, a better place…a place outside ourselves. During those times, everything has more purpose and meaning and we see it’s really not about ourselves at all.
Killing ourself isn’t such a bad thing if it means sacrificing our wants and desires for Him and what He wants for us which is better and greater than we can imagine. I’m willing to believe that and try it again today…are you?
Psalm 54:6 “Willingly I will sacrifice to You; I will give thanks to Your name O LORD, for it is good.”