Provision and Providence

Provision and Providence

PROVISION (def) The act of providing or supplying something. The act of making preparations for a possible or future event or situation.

PROVIDENCE (def) Care or preparation in advance; foresight.

Around 35 years ago I was working for Dad when he came in and announced he had sold his pharmacy.  Good for him.  Bad for me.  As tough as things were then I had to worry about how I was going to survive. There I was with a 5-year-old special needs child. What was I going to do? To shorten a bit, Dad talked to the board member (another local pharmacist with a thriving business) of our local hospital who told him the only job available was that of a transcriptionist.

What. Was. That. I had done all kinds of jobs in my life but never one like that. I knew I could find a job but it would be a little tougher with a sick child and going around a school schedule.

Reluctantly I took the job.  I hated it was available to me through a deal with Dad. I hated I didn’t even know the first thing about it.  I hated everything about it but felt obligated to take it and after all, I did need it!  I had NO idea what I was doing.  I remember the first day I clocked out crying and cried myself to sleep that night and many others that followed.  I was sure I’d be fired eventually but at the time I felt I had no choice so I pressed on. At one point I was told by the department head there was no way I could do the job and that I should just quit. That job was a stipulation of Dad’s making the deal he made on the store so I felt obligated to at least try hard.  I couldn’t understand the doctors, I had never done that kind of work before.  Feeling overwhelmed and under-qualified were understatements to say the least!

I was a mess back then.  Bitter and angry for so many reasons.  Scared because Matt was such a sick youngin’ that I remember soooo many times sneaking in his room at night to lay my hand on his chest to see if he was still breathing…and I was a divorced mama.  Not a fun life.  At all. On top of that, as I got into the job and became pretty good at it, I had to miss a lot because of Matt’s medical issues, too many to name here so on more than one occasion I was threatened with being fired.  Lo and behold, hospital doctors began asking me to type their office dictation after hours and some even began asking me to type special projects for them.  Long story short, I went into business for myself transcribing.  Today I have my favourite job ever typing for a company in Australia as a transcriptionist.  WHAT!???

My adventure started with the prospects of being out of a job, going into a job I’d never done before (and 100% HATED) which turned out to be provision for me and my son, and it’s lasted a long time.  Do you see it? God knew.  He KNEW exactly what I needed and allowed a terrifying situation to get me here, all WAY before I even loved Him!!  WHAT???!!!

I’m telling you this story (again) to tell you a couple of things.

1.  Trust God. When things are seemingly falling apart based on my experience, they seriously could be coming together.  If you don’t follow Jesus perhaps you should. Although things worked out for me, I strongly suspect – heck, I KNOW things would have been MUCH better had I been in love with Him at the beginning of this whole thing!
2. Trust God.  Life isn’t easy for any of us but through all that I look back and see He provided for me/us in unusual ways, all the way through! All. The. Way. Through.  It wasn’t easy back then – it sometimes isn’t now – but He has been more than faithful. I’ve been blessed to see His hand through ALL of it. 
3. Trust God. Provision doesn’t look like what we think it should sometimes; well, a lot of the time. Had I had other options back then I surely would’ve taken them – but look what I would’ve missed! I work at home (and have for 30 years now) and Matt as a special needs person can choose his work hours, he chose the kind of work he does, goes where he wants to go (a lot of times providing his own transportation). He’s seizure free for over 25 years now, on no medications…I could go on and on here about the things I thought I would never see happen! I mean WOW has God been amazingly good to us!
4. Trust God. I know where I was headed back then and I know He was who changed my direction (in every respect!). Nothing I had the ability to do would have changed my life.  HE did it THROUGH the circumstances.

My heart bursts with gratefulness.  I should be at the very least homeless, hopeless and alcohol-deranged – if not dead and in hell this very minute –  and I’m convinced I would be had it not been for God’s grace, provision and providence in my life.

Friends.  When it doesn’t make sense and you’re headed down a road you didn’t even know existed hold on to the One who created you and knows you better than you know yourself. If you’ll allow Him to, He’ll show you great and mighty things you don’t have the ability to even think possible. Do it scared. Do it mad.  Do it, in spite of whatever it is you feel or think.  Any way you have to do it, do it.  I promise you won’t be sorry!

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT): “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope…”

1^st Corinthians 2:9:  “This is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Philippians 4:19:  “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”

I’m So Messed Up.

Disclaimer:  This is a HARD and very uncomfortable post.  Undoubtedly it’s going to hurt some feelings and make some mad.  I’m pouring my heart out here.  Forgive me if you’re hurt. This is a poison that I have get out!

We’ve been through quite the year haven’t we?  Oh wait.  It’s not over yet.  My bad.

When “all this” first started, I – like you – kind of stopped.  All of a sudden everything we obviously took for granted was yanked from us.  Church – going to the building and corporately worshipping – and working together stopped.   Just.  Like.  That.

What was your immediate response…I’d love to know.  Mine?  I was shocked.  Blindsided.  Stunned.  Not at the measures local government took – they followed the rest of the world.  That’s not what got me and I understood the thinking behind it. “Get people to stay home and the virus dies…” This was, as I understand it, based upon the premise of millions dying…which is what we were told.  No one really know so everyone just went on what they were told…not based on medical fact; not based on knowledge…but based on the fear of what “they” THOUGHT would happen – worse case scenario.

I get it.  Nobody knew so I’ll give us that.  But wait! God’s called people, the ones He chose…set apart…I thought weren’t supposed to act like the world? Can someone clear this up for me?

What has absolutely dumfounded me is the way people of faith have responded.  Honestly and heartbreakingly true is the sad reality of people who call themselves saved – believers in Jesus Christ – the ones who teach and preach “walk by faith and not by sight” look exactly like the rest of the world through this “crisis”.  That’s the part that gets me.  That’s what’s messed me up and I can’t seem to shake it.

Because someone said to, churches were closed. Out. Of. FEAR.  Because everyone else did it, suggested it – because stores and restaurants closed out of FEAR, churches – God’s house – closed.  HIS people held up in their own houses…just like everyone else.

Like I said, I get it at the beginning – it was totally understandable at first.  But now a year later – more than a year later – churches are still not back up to normal.  Christians are AFRAID to come back to church to worship the One who saw them through this madness.  YET! They sure aren’t afraid to go to the grocery store…get their hair done…but those are essential services. Wait. Isn’t church essential? Yes you can worship at home…it’s not essential to go to a building – I know what you’re thinking – I worship wherever I am…but in the truest meaning of the word “church” – is it not essential? Then? Now? I’m so messed up!

Churches are open but segregated inside – if you’ve had a vaccine sit here…if you haven’t sit there…if you’ve had the virus…sit here…if you sing, wear your mask…don’t sing…if you’re sick stay home…no paper to touch…I could go on and on.

Maybe I’m too literal. 

I’ve clung to Psalms 91 throughout this year and I believe it.  Do you?  Is it too much of a stretch during a plague to believe God? Should we read the Bible and get to verses like Psalms 91:3 “For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.” (emphasis mine) and go “yeah – I believe the Bible – every word of it…but that…”?? I’m confused.  Remind me…what is faith again?

I’ve listened for years and years – ever since I’ve been saved people preach to me “believe every word God says!” “Walk by faith and not by sight…” and the first sign of trouble it’s like they shouted, “WAIT!  Run!  Believe and trust God except of course if there is an emergency – rely on common sense and what “they” tell you to do! Hold up in your house!  Cover your face!  We’re all gonna die!  Get a shot that’s not even been thoroughly approved yet!”  I’ve watched all these people who have been with Jesus MUCH longer than I have – act and worse – REACT just like everyone else!  You have messed me up!!!!!

So what is a fellow Christian supposed to do with that!?  I’m asking with a confused and broken heart.  What about faith?  Are we not supposed to walk by faith? Yes use common sense…yes live in consideration of others…but can someone please please tell me where faith comes into living everyday life? I’m so messed up!

Does the Bible say to walk by faith or does it not? Does it not imply that we’re set apart and that we’re supposed to be different, act different and live differently than the rest of the world? Is God’s word literally the truth or is it not?  Can we or can we not LITERALLY take Him at His word…live like we believe it?  LIVE like we believe it?  L-I-V-E like we believe it…or should we not!?! Asking for a friend.

I would love to hear from you – I would love for you to help with this because I. Am. SO. Messed. Up.

I’m just really glad my RELATIONSHIP with God and my FAITH in Jesus Christ isn’t contingent upon a building or anyone else.  Because if it were…I’d be worse off than I am now – and right now I’m pretty messed up.  Thank God my faith is built on nothing less than who He is and what He’s done because I gotta tell you – if it were built on the supposedly “set apart” people of the church and the church itself I would be totally messed up.  WE are SO MESSED UP!

To me there’s an element of calling the church out in all this.  Do you see it? Are we who we say we are?  Have we been sitting in our comfortable pews, going to our safe Sunday School classes, saying all the right words, doing the pretty things and condemning those who don’t act like us and never LIVING the Bible?  We say we believe and trust God but on this for-all-the-world-to-see screen what does our faith LOOK like? Sadly to me, as one of you, it looks just like it does on the outside…we’re looking and acting just like the rest of the world.  One thing I absolutely know – we are seeing what kind of faith we really have.

If that doesn’t break your heart it should.  I’ve never felt more like an alien.   1^st Peter 4:17?  Matthew 13? 2^nd Corinthians 5:7?  Hebrews 11:1?  Maybe I’m too literal…I thought for real we were to walk by faith and not by sight…

He’s Still There.

I love hummingbirds.  In the almost three years since I’ve been in East Tennessee, I haven’t seen many of them.  I think they’re having trouble keeping up with me since I’ve moved so much.

When hard times hit I stopped everything including putting feeders out.  I was so caught up in my circumstances and the fear that came with them, I wasn’t myself in every respect of the word.  This spring I put out feeders and have seen a few hummingbirds from time to time but not like I used to.  Where I live now is pretty heavily populated with quite a bit of traffic.  Yet every once in a while when I go outside and look for them, occasionally I will see one or two.

That happened this morning and it hit me – I wondered if I thought they weren’t there if they really were and I missed them because I wasn’t looking.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a dark place feeling totally alone and we think because no one else is there God isn’t either.  Then you feel a “tweak” in your spirit, hear a song on the radio that contains the perfect words or hear a word from an unlikely place or person that lets you know He knows exactly where you are, exactly how you feel and He is right there with you.

The hummers flittered by chirping.  God does the same – something reminds us He’s still there, wherever there is.  In the darkness, sickness, even when you may want to be alone…He’s still there. Look and listen.  You’ll find Him.

Fear Will Fail You.

There’s a lost dog in my neighborhood and the other day I saw her.  When I approached her she ran into the woods.  She didn’t know me so afraid, she ran.  The remainder of the week I went back to that spot time and time again, sometimes staying and calling her name for hours to no avail.  She’s a house dog, she hasn’t been outside very much so I imagine she is terrified, in addition to being hungry and totally out of her comfort zone.  Yet even when her owners come for her she won’t come to them.

It doesn’t make any sense!  She hears the voices, especially the familiar ones, she’s hot, hungry, and knows she would be safe with those who love her, yet she still refuses to come!  Fear has gripped her and instead of doing what she knows she should do she does completely the opposite.  I’m afraid she will die of starvation and the elements to which she is unaccustomed all because she is scared. It seems she would rather stay where she is than take a chance to come out and be loved and cared for.

That’s precisely what fear does.  I know.  I’ve lived with it all my life.

When fear grips it changes the ability to think rationally and we find ourselves reacting instead of acting.  We do things and say things we would never do with a clear mind. Sometimes we freeze, deciding to stay in the mess we’re in because we are just too afraid to take a chance on trying to change things.

Perhaps we’ve been hurt – or really hurt someone else – when we’ve conjured up the courage go attempt to go beyond ourselves and we’re just too afraid to take the chance again.  Although legitimate, living that way robs us of the experience of trusting God (and ourselves) and perhaps the countless blessings He had for us.

So we stay…even knowing it’s not right, it’s painful, yet, we stay.  At least we’re familiar with how it is, there are no surprises, there is nothing expected.  We surrender to fear and decide to survive.

Fear takes our faith.  When we live based on what we are afraid of, we can’t function in faith.  They simply cannot coexist.  We must choose one or the other.  If we choose fear before long, our hearts and minds are infiltrated and we’ve convinced ourselves it is the way we think it is, and hope fades.  We someday will realize that living in fear has totally failed us and robbed us.  Soon we’ll find ourselves in an ocean of regret, pruning and nourishing our bitterness and despair.

Let’s decide today that we’ll no longer be our own prisoner.  Let’s take a tiny step forward to the safe hands and presence of the One who loves us the most.  The first step is the hardest, the next will be a little easier.  Let’s trust as we walk straight into His arms.  He will never fail us.  He’ll comfort us and help us through whatever we’re afraid of.

Unlike that little dog (who is still in the woods by the way), when you hear His voice, take a chance and step out.  You’ll be glad you did.

Luke 21:34:  “Be on guard so that your hearts will not be weighted down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of life, and that day will not come on you suddenly like a trap;”

Distractions

Sampson is an extremely obedient dog.  He walks with me without a leash most of the time, he stays in his yard…until he sees a squirrel.  Some kind of little furry critter makes him forget who he normally is all the rules go right out the window.

Distractions. You know the truth of who you are and Whose you are and when things are quiet and peaceful it’s easy to live in that truth.  You claim all of God’s blessings and promises and are quick to praise Him with a thankful heart…until your attention is diverted by unforeseen circumstances.

Distractions.  When they come, we divert to our nature – the “normal” way to handle things:  anger, frustration, despair, desire, despondency, depression, etc.

Something we want or desire consumes our every thought and emotion. Something bad makes our faith (or lack thereof) wax and wane.  Whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, if we focus all our attention on it we can be swept away to places we never intended to go.  Distractions come in all kinds of packages.  For sure, anything that leads us down a path we never intended taking and/or know we shouldn’t go on is a distraction from who we’re intended to be and what we’re made to do.

These are the times that we should remember our foundation – the truth of God and what He says but our humanness takes over.  “Well, that’s just the way I am”; “God made me He knows my heart” are often our weak excuses to go our own way and do our own thing.

Sampson ran after a squirrel one day completely oblivious to passing cars and other dangers around him.  He was almost killed. He was 100% focused on the distraction and nothing else.  We sometimes do the same.  We can’t see the dangers lurking and we don’t realise how far we have wandered until we find ourselves having to walk the long way back.

I used to pride myself in my strong faith.  I thought I had it going on with God until life threw me curveballs I never saw coming.  I found myself in a very dark place with a boatload of doubt.  I’m still recovering from the effects of my “falling away”.  I considered myself so close to God air couldn’t get between us and when the distractions/trials came, I found myself doubting He was with me at all.

Distractions show us who we really are.  No matter what form they take they’re designed, I believe not to punish us or make us pay for something we’ve done or not done, but to do just that: show us what we’re made of and how strong our faith really is.

Sometimes we allow ourselves to be swept away by something that becomes more important to us and sometimes bad things happen we have no control over.  When they happen (and they will happen), it’s up to us to “go back” to God who is the only sure, steady and stable foundation we have.  During the quiet and peaceful times in life when it’s good are the times to grow closer to God, reaffirm and believe because as long as we’re alive there will always be something to try to draw us away.  But be reassured, God NEVER moves or changes.  He is ALWAYS there, and will always welcome you back.  We just have to decide to “go back” to Him.

Just like now – can’t find Sampson.  He’s been hooked by another distraction.  Thankfully right now, I’m not but I’m preparing for the next one.  I pray you are, too.

James 1:6  “But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.”