Tag Archives: personal

Wait for the SON

Wait for the SON.

My normal routine in the mornings is to walk Sampson, our dog, first thing. I usually start out before first light and enjoy a sunrise while we are finishing our walk.

This morning, however, it’s bitterly and dangerously cold so we couldn’t walk. I took him out in the back yard and he kept going to the front which is where we go to head down the sidewalk to begin his adventure. I kept telling him, “No, let’s wait for the sun”. He would look at me bewildered and with tail down, he would go back to the back yard only to return to the front a few minutes later. Over and over again I told him no, that we were going to wait for the sun to come up so it would be a little warmer and we would go.

That’s a word for our day isn’t it? We find ourselves in waiting, perhaps at a crossroads. Decisions and choices have to be made and sometimes it’s easier said than done. We sometimes don’t know how to begin…or perhaps we do, we’re just afraid. We find ourselves like Sampson, greatly anticipating doing his favorite thing only to be held off and told to wait.  He was waiting on the SUN; we must wait on the SON.

Keep praying friend, and asking God to show you the way. Don’t move, or proceed with caution, until you bathe that decision in prayer and hear from Him. He will show you one way or the other. Do something, though, while you wait…BELIEVE. Believe He will direct you as to what to do. Believe He has your best interest in His heart and He knows your intentions.  Don’t just jump and hope everything will be okay, unless He leads you to move.

Wait on the SON for direction, strength and courage. Put your fears and apprehensions aside and follow Him.

The SUN is up so it’s time to walk. The SON has spoken to my heart so it’s time to get on with it!

Isaiah 40:31

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I CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM *HERE*!

Finally after a long, long life journey, I find myself in the physical place where I most want to be. This is where I belong but I must say since I moved back, all kinds of things have happened I’ve never been through before. I started to doubt whether I have made the right decision and began to wonder if God wasn’t punishing me for moving. For a moment, I believed – I mean REALLY believed I had messed up and was out of the will of God. I was basing my truth on my circumstances and I got totally consumed by my feelings of failure, believing if I was truly “in God’s will” the ride would be smooth – I mean I had to have really messed up otherwise things wouldn’t be so testy. Right? Isn’t that the way it goes? You control your own universe; if things are good it’s because of what YOU do; things are bad because of what YOU do or don’t do. I’m laughing out loud right now. YES I have always believed that no one else but me is responsible for the bad decisions I’ve made and the consequences that followed. But controlling the universe and controlling my destiny sorry. I just don’t believe that.

For a moment though I got lost in all of this and frankly I was ready to just stop and let the chips fall where they may and basically just surrender. I could go into all the stuff that’s happened but I won’t. It has been just crazy. Suffice it to say, I’ve had it. Where’s that white flag. I’m ready to give in and either go back or not move. BUT…

While at church last night a familiar verse was spoke by our Pastor: “…the joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10). All of a sudden, the Light came on. I had forgotten where my strength comes from. I had gotten wrapped up in my fears and frustrations and the fatigue that accompanies them. I got stuck in me and it was getting ugly. From those words until the end of the Bible study, everything said was relevant to our lives. It was one of the moments you live for.

I came home, got in the Word and got on my face. He showed me some things I thought I had learned but I was forced to confess I hadn’t put to use in quite a while. I didn’t realize how caught up I had gotten in trying to live through all this stuff until last night. Lord, forgive me.

The whole process has shown me AGAIN (how many times must I have to relearn this lesson!?!?!) how intense the battle is and how good the enemy is at deception. I KNOW what I believe; I KNOW what God said to me personally and yet, I was in a mess. If you’ve not been led back into fear and anxiety in a while, good for you! BUT don’t think it can’t happen to you. There are all kinds of battles and snares within the battles for all of us. The way you fall to the enemy may be different from how I fall…but we all are capable of falling.

During those times when things are a mess and very frightening there’s a decision to be made. Will you believe? Will you trust? Will you be thankful and love God there in the midst of the mess? I chose last night to love Him and believe Him right here. The scary hasn’t changed yet. The provision has not come – yet. BUT I believe it IS coming. I believe He will see me through this trial. I remember my joy, my faith, my willingness, my ability, my comfort and reassurance are found in Jesus alone. He’s the stability and the strength I so long for in all this uncertainty. I have Him and I believe Him. I choose to love Him here.

Why I Call Him Papa.

I wish it were my original idea to call God “Papa”. The notion came from reading “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young. It’s a wonderful fiction story in which Mr. Young brings God to life in a very unique way. There’s a huge debate to this day about the book…which is sad to me for many reasons…all I know is at an extremely sad and painful time in my life, friends introduced me to this book and it ministered to me in ways I find hard to explain.

Anyway the main character in the book, “Mack”, was wounded by the murder of his child and God came to him (remember..FICTION…so don’t get too torn up ) 😉 as PAPA in a very personal way. Men, including his father, had failed Mack in significant ways and left him wounded to his soul. I identified with that (I’m sure you identify as well).

Until the latter years of his life, my biological father and I didn’t have much of a relationship. PAPA graciously gave me the opportunity the last  five years he lived (at a tremendously high cost; the death of my sister) to make peace with him. I also made bad choices regarding men, had my heart stomped on many times. Then regarding God, I thought for years I was his grand mistake believing He really had no regard for me…until I came to Him and got to know Him for myself.

Suffice it to say, to me, PAPA is a term of endearment. It’s calling God a personal name with love…not because it’s expected or I have to. I call Him PAPA because I WANT to. I love Him and our relationship is very personal, unique, and individual. I TRUST Him to LET Him be personal to me and I want to share His special-ness (I know not a word) in a deep way; thus, PAPA.

I needed you to know the story behind the name hoping it’s not a distraction for you when you read my posts on Facebook, my blog, etc.  He IS my PAPA. Jesus IS  my Savior & Redeemer. I’m not ashamed to tell you how much I love Him (them) and how grateful I am for His (their) love toward me. Love you PAPA!  😉