It’s a beautiful Sunday morning. Lots of people are at church…I am not. Not happy about that. For the past five weeks, my work schedule has prevented me from going.
That’s not all. LOTS of things…little things and big things are vying for my happiness…lots of things are bugging me.
I’m laughing out loud because just over an hour ago, I spent two hours in my Bible soaking up the love, ingesting what God had for me for this day. I was such a happy, happy girl because that time in the mornings with Him is my most favorite.
Then real life kicks in and there is a raging fight going on inside of me…I can focus on all that’s wrong or turn to the One who makes everything right. Seems like there’s always a fight for contentment. It’s a relentless cycle of emotion to keep and protect our contentment, our faith and a positive demeanor. I’m forced to eat my words during these times…how many times have I said “happiness is a choice”, “fight for your faith”? Some days it’s easier than others…some minutes it’s easier than others.
It’s hard for me not to spout and shout. I fight myself more than (and harder than) I’ve fought anyone else. I can choose to throw a well-justified fit – or I can choose to be quiet and calm down and choose contentment over circumstances provoking me to lose it. “Whatsoever” comes to mind in 1st Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat or drink, whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” Does that word apply to fit-throwing, discontentment raging, unhappiness-feeling? Can I be discontent and unhappy “to the glory of God”? I think so.
I fight not to let my feelings dictate my behavior or distort my faith. That’s a tall order when I’m my center. I must fight to get my eyes off me and my selfishness and onto Him. In this moment I’ve chosen to do just that (greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world). I choose to not let my feelings produce ugly actions and words.
That’s the fight for faith – not to do life the way we see it played out all around us. I choose (this time) to bless God. If Christ is in us there should be some of Him coming out of us (if we choose to let Him). So, in this moment of discontentment I fought me and I let Him win. The next time I may not…but I’m praying I do.